Today is my due date. Or was my due date. It's a date that I've been dreading since, well, June 7th, when I found out that I had a molar pregnancy. This past Sunday, I had a major breakdown. One of those crying so hard, nose running & becoming clogged, eyes puffy and red, hyperventilating breakdowns. I think Stephen was shocked. I know he definitely wasn't expecting it. One second I'm great, the next, a big blubbery mess of snot and tears. yum.
So prior to today, Stephen and I decided we would NOT be at home today, we would go and do fun stuff, try to keep our minds off of the fact. Both of us were off of work, thankfully, so I got to sleep in late. :) Getting up early sucks. We ran some necessary errands, then went to Olive Garden for lunch. So yum. I could eat their salad all day every day. I would've rather had hospital food, but I know that's not what God had planned.
After lunch, we decided we wanted to go someplace and play video games...well, like arcade games, not like playstation or xbox. So we googled arcades in Corpus Christi and it said there was one in Sunrise mall. There's not. There's like nothing. While we were searching for an arcade, my obgyn, Dr. Glazener, called and said I would NOT have to have another procedure. (She had called on 12/23/13 and said that my oncologist, Dr. Mahmood, recommended a procedure where, TMI ALERT, she goes up inside me and searches around to make sure everything with my uterus is ok. Dr. G didn't want to do it because she said it's very invasive and high risk for hemorrhaging. She said she was going to get in contact with a specialist at a Gynecological Cancer Center in San Antonio and should be back to me in the next few days. Needless to say, I am SO thankful the specialist said it wasn't really necessary unless my HCG levels go up again).
After the failed arcade search, we went home to take a nap and watch some Big Bang Theory. For dinner, we decided to venture back to CC and go to Gattitown! Of course they have games! and endless Icees. Except when we got there, the Icee machine was gone, the buffet had like three nasty looking pizzas and some old looking pasta. So we just played games. It was so much fun just hanging out together and playing, not thinking about what we would've rather been doing (having a baby). We ended up going to Quiznos for dinner and just talking about the plans God has for us.
We don't know what plans He has for us, but we know that Romans 8:28 says, "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." (ESV). So whatever God's plans are for us, we know that they're good. We don't understand why we couldn't have a baby this time. We don't know why I had to have a d&c and chemo or why we have to wait. But we're trusting in Jesus. We're trusting that the Creator of the world knows better than we do.
Stephen, thank you for loving me the way you do. For helping me to see that God really DOES have better plans for us. I love you and am so very thankful for you. You're my favorite. <3
